Who needs Volcano Insurance

This might be more accurately phrased as Who Doesn't Need Volcano Insurance...
  • So, you remember what happened in Pompeii? Everybody was going about their daily business. Relaxing in the baths, discussing who just got voted off Maximus Talentus Pompeii. And then all of a sudden, the big hill next door blows its top and ash and rock rains down on the town followed by more ash and rock rushing down the mountain in a series of devastating pyroclastic flows. In just a day, it's work was done. Many people survived the Pompeii disaster but their homes and businesses were destroyed.
There was no such thing as Volcano Insurance in AD 79, but times have changed...
  • Have you and your friends been given a quest by a strange person with a beard to take some jewellery into a volcano and destroy it?
  • Are you worried about the potential side effects of being near or in an active volcano?
  • Singeing of the hair, breathing toxic fumes, unbearable scorching heat, molten spitting lava, 3rd degree burns and death?
Then maybe you need Volcano Insurance...
  • Do you live beside a beautiful snow covered triangle-shaped mountain but lately you have become annoyed by the constant chimney of grey/black smoke rising from it that is blocking out the sun and the daily earth tremors?
That's a volcano dummy. Man do you need Volcano Insurance...!

How Volcano Insurance can benefit you

Even though your existing household property and contents insurance completely covers you for all damage and loss to your property due to volcanic activity (check policy wording for specific cover details), doesn't separate Volcano Insurance just sound much cooler.

Think about it. If you suffer loss due to a volcano, do you really just want to phone up your regular insurance company and try to explain that it was a volcano's fault. That's going to go down well with your claims adviser.

But if you had Volcano Insurance, you could get put through to the specialised Volcano Insurance Claims hotline and there would be no messing around with 'what's your date of birth'. It would be 'Volcano?' - 'Yes' - 'OK, we see it. Let's get you sorted out'.

How do Volcanos affect our daily lives

Only a couple of years ago the skies above Europe were brought to a complete standstill by the actions of a rogue volcano. This volcano had learned a new trick. It hid under a thick sheet of ice so that when it erupted, it melted the ice and threw the mixture of ice, rock and ash into the atmosphere. The resulting cloud of ice and ash travelled south east from Iceland, presumably looking for cheaper beer, and circulated around the UK, France, Spain, Germany and most of Europe.

This shows that volcanos are getting smarter. It's only a matter of time before they work out our communications patterns and find a way to interrupt TV and the Internet. And then mankind as we know it will be doomed.

So be prepared folks. Do what you can now. And before the inevitable happens, get your Volcano Insurance and keep it close at all times.


For the benefit of those with a 'sense of humour impairment' this is a comedy website. We do not sell or endorse Volcano Insurance. There is no such thing as Volcano Insurance. Volcanos are real but they do not generally pop up from nowhere. If this is something you are genuinely concerned about then either you have too little to worry about or you worry unnecessarily about everything. Either way, your medical practicioner will be glad to talk to you. The threat to aircraft from Volcanic Ash is real, and if you are really worried about this then contact your Travel Insurance Company.